McDonnel Dougles Consumer Questionaire

Subject: McDonnell Douglas Customer Survey
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 2001 18:51:58 -0800

Sent: Tuesday, March 13, 2001 3:26 PM

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an
employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does
not have a sense of humor, and made the web department take it down immediately
(for once, the "IMPORTANT" note at the end is worth a read too.... )

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the
information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and

 1.    [_] Mr.
       [_] Mrs.
       [_] Ms.
       [_] Miss
       [_] Lt.
       [_] Gen.
       [_] Comrade
       [_] Classified
       [_] Other
       First Name: ............................   Initial:    ........
       Last Name:  ..................................
       Password:   ........................ (max. 8 char)
       Code Name:
       Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .....................................
 2.  Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

       [_] F-14 Tomcat
       [_] F-15 Eagle
       [_] F-16 Falcon
       [_] F-117A Stealth
       [_] Classified

 3.  Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./....... /......

 4.  Serial Number: .............................................

 5.  Please indicate where this product was purchased:

       [_] Received as gift / aid package
       [_] Catalogue / showroom
       [_] Independent arms broker
       [_] Mail order
       [_] Discount store
       [_] Government surplus
       [_] Classified
 6.  Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
     you have just purchased:
       [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
       [_] Store display
       [_] Espionage
       [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
       [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
       [_] Was attacked by one
 7.  Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
     decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
       [_] Style / appearance
       [_] Speed / maneuverability
       [_] Price / value
       [_] Comfort / convenience
       [_] Kickback / bribe
       [_] Recommended by salesperson
       [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
       [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
       [_] Backroom politics
       [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
 8.  Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
       [_] North America
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Aircraft carrier
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Europe
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Africa
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Asia / Far East
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Misc. Third World countries
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Classified
       [_] Iraq
 9.  Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
     purchase in the near future:
       [_] Color TV
       [_] VCR
       [_] ICBM
       [_] Killer Satellite
       [_] CD Player
       [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
       [_] Space Shuttle
       [_] Home Computer
       [_] Nuclear Weapon
 10.  How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
      that apply)
       [_] Communist / Socialist
       [_] Terrorist
       [_] Crazed
       [_] Neutral
       [_] Democratic
       [_] Dictatorship
       [_] Corrupt
       [_] Primitive / Tribal
 11.  How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

       [_] Deficit spending
       [_] Cash
       [_] Suitcases of cocaine
       [_] Oil revenues
       [_] Personal check
       [_] Credit card
       [_] Ransom money
       [_] Traveler's check

 12.  Your occupation:

       [_] Homemaker
       [_] Sales / marketing
       [_] Revolutionary
       [_] Clerical
       [_] Mercenary
       [_] Tyrant
       [_] Middle management
       [_] Eccentric billionaire
       [_] Defense Minister / General
       [_] Retired
       [_] Student

 13.  To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests
      and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
      on a regular basis:
       [_] Golf
       [_] Boating / sailing
       [_] Sabotage
       [_] Running / jogging
       [_] Propaganda / misinformation
       [_] Destabilization / overthrow
       [_] Default on loans
       [_] Gardening
       [_] Crafts
       [_] Black market / smuggling
       [_] Collectibles / collections
       [_] Watching sports on TV
       [_] Wines
       [_] Interrogation / torture
       [_] Household pets
       [_] Crushing rebellions
       [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
       [_] Fashion clothing
       [_] Border disputes
       [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

               McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department
               Military, Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or
unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor
or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any
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explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

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Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn
that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this backwards, so just
ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.

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